my soapbox
Today was rough guys, really rough. Henry has been teething for what feels like five years (he’s only ten months old), and I wish I had a mojito in my hand as I type this 😂 I settled for apple juice in a wine glass, haha! Anywho, I figured typing up my first blog post would be a fun way to end my crazy weekend! I plan on explaining what Montessori is and why we chose to do it with our son. I anticipate that I will get off track at least once because it’s just what I do. I do not claim to know everything there is to know about Montessori, I probably really only know about 17%. My goal is to grow in my knowledge and bring you guys along for the journey. For those who want more immediate knowledge about Montessori, I will make another post soon with all of my favorite Instagram pages, books, and websites that I have used to get to where I am now.
So, what even is Montessori? There are probably hundreds of definitions, and I think they will vary a little bit. I encourage you to do some research to get a good grasp of what it is. MY definition of Montessori is
“Developing your kid’s WHOLE self, using materials unique to their interest, needs, and pace. By respecting and observing your child, you can provide them with the resources, knowledge, and confidence they need to lead themselves in their own development.”
People look at babies and think they have limited potential to do anything. In a way, they are correct. They can’t sit up on their own, they can't move, they can’t even wipe their own butts crying out loud. So although they can’t do a lot physically yet, their brains are doubling in size, and they are making at least one million new neural connections (synapses) every second, far more than at any other time in life. How insane is that???? Let’s be honest, if your brain was doing that much every second you probably couldn’t focus long enough to wipe your own butt either 😂 I don’t want to get nerdy here, so I encourage you to take a few minutes on your own to read about early brain development, synapses, and synapses pruning. All of that to say- babies, toddlers, and kids are brilliant! We owe them way more credit than we give them, and that's why I love the Montessori approach. You observe where your kid is at, provide them with activities or materials to help them develop whatever skill or schema they are working on, and then sit back and watch their little brains work.
Let’s say you just neatly folded some laundry (this is theoretical okay, I know I’m not the only one who has piles of laundry in their room), your kiddo comes up and makes a mess of your hard work and puts the laundry all over her head. At first glance, your kid just wants to undo everything you did, and it was most definitely on purpose. But, if you take a second to observe, you would notice that this is a sign of the Enveloping Schema. First, show them how to refold the laundry and include them in the process of cleaning up the mess they made. Then you can provide them with an activity to satisfy and develop that schema. Maybe build a blanket fort, play hide and seek, or bake a pie!
We can use this approach for the emotional development of our kids as well. Call me crazy, but I think 99% of tantrums can be diffused if we simply listen to our kids and try to understand what they are feeling. This approach is more in line with gentle parenting than Montessori, but I think it all boils down to respecting your kid and providing them with the tools they need to communicate. Here is a real-life example that happened a few months ago with my nephew. His older sister brought the kitchen sponge in their play kitchen, and they were getting soap everywhere. I went over to take the sponge and he just wasn't having it! Here was our convo (I abbreviated his name for privacy)
Me- E, I understand you’re upset that I’m trying to take the sponge away, but this isn’t a toy. There is soap on here and that is supposed to be used to clean the dishes. Can I please put it back in the kitchen?
E- No, I want to keep playing with it.
Me- Buddy, I’m sorry but we can’t play with this, it’s not a toy. Can you help me put it back?
E- *after much thought and a little hesitation* Yeah I can
Me- Okay, do you want to put it on the left or right side of the sink?
E- That side
Me- Okay, I’ll put it here. Thank you for your help!
There were a lot of tears during this conversation, and I was unsure if the options I gave him were going to work. This method is not an end-all-cure-all for tantrums because kids are kids- there is no getting around that! But this method helps kids understand the different emotions, and they can start to communicate those emotions as they get older. Your kid can verbally communicate with you instead of physically communicating with kicking and screaming. Again, I love Montessori because it's based on respect and understanding for your kids. I'm not saying that if you don’t do Montessori then you don’t respect your kid! I’m saying that our kids are learning and experiencing things for the first time and they deserve grace and understanding. We as adults don’t even have it all together most of the time, so why should we place that impossible standard on our kids who laugh at fart noises? Imagine where we would be without God’s grace! Imagine if He responded in anger every time we messed up. I would be screwed, that’s all I’m gonna say haha!
Okay, I might have gotten off track there, but I warned you it would happen! 🙈 I’m not looking to do Montessori to raise an independent kid who can refill my wine glass with apple juice, although that does sound very nice. I’m doing it because I want to raise a smart and independent kid who is confident in everything he does. I didn't choose to do gentle discipline in hopes that Henry will be perfect and never have a tantrum. I do it because I want Henry to be able to communicate his feelings in a generation that can't tell the difference between worry and anxiety. Okay okay, I'm getting off my soapbox now.
In all seriousness, I hope I was able to clarify a few things for you. Montessori can mean something different to everyone, and that is why there are thousands of Instagram accounts, hundreds of books, and countless websites all surrounding the Montessori approach. If it was cut and dry, there would be one Instagram, one book, and one website that covered it all. I don't think my way is the best- actually I do, but only for my little family. And whatever you decide is best for your family is great too! My goal here is to give you one extra resource to keep in your back pocket. If all else fails, you get to see pictures of my cute baby 🤷🏽♀️ Alright, it’s 11:55 PM and who knows what I will get myself into if I keep typing after midnight! I’m signing off for now, thank you so much for reading my first post!
-XOXO, M(ontessori) M(om)
